DJ Sam The Jam: Kevin’s alter ego who’s a hip-hop DJ on a made up radio station HOT105 Jamz. A lady accidentally called in asking to win cash on HOT105, so we just went with it
The Hairy Muppet: Many listeners comment on how hairy Kevin is, and upon seeing pictures of him they think he resembles a muppet.
Hairy Mound: A word used by sexpert Simone Bienne to describe Kevin's hairy man parts.
Sam the Eagle: Kevin looks like this specific muppet….
Dead Eyes (Producer) Nicknames:
Dead Eyes: Our producer’s eyes either look sick, stoned, or completely dead. We can’t figure out why, but even when he’s excited his eyes remain zombie-like. Hence the name Dead Eyes
Ped Eyes: we’re not really sure how this started, but there’s a running joke on the show that Dead Eyes is into minors. Seems to be the only thing that makes those eyes come to life.
Patrick with Traffic’s Nicknames: Useless Weirdo:We knew as soon as we met him that Patrick was the hub of all useless information. He is the epitome of useless and weird, and he earned this nickname in record time. Turd Camel: UW was doing a test of the new Black Whopper from Burger King. We were waiting to hear if it turned his poo green like we read about in the papers. But he never seemed to take a crap. We determined that he can hold his business in like a camel: A turd camel Wing-Fingers: Patrick is VERY single. We often make him go on dates, but he always takes them to crappy chain restaurants like Buffalo Wild Wings. Kevin & Ally pointed out that eating a slew of wings before getting to second base with a girl is a BAD decision. To this day they still tease him about his wing fingers. Backzit with Traffic: One time, Patrick had the BIGGEST zit on his back. It looked like a volcanic region in Hawaii. It was where every zit in the world came to colonize. We took pictures, dressed it in costumes, and even poured gravy into the backzit hole, because we’re classy like that.
Ally’s Nicknames: Racist Ally: Ally regularly makes dated comments about “sitting Indian style” and “getting Gyped.” She also doesn’t seem to like dark chocolate. As a result she’s earned herself the lovable name “Racist Ally,” which she hates. Blue Jeans Ally: Ally wears blue jeans a LOT. They are the object of affection for one Creepy Creeper (see below). A listener also wrote a parody to “Mustang Sally” called “Blue Jeans Ally Poo Jeans Ally: One time Ally had to poop during the show. After that, listeners began calling her Poo Jeans, which inspired the same listener to do another rendition of “Mustang Sally” called “Poo Jeans Ally.”
Fat Anne Frank: Back when Ally did theater, she played Anne Frank in a nationwide tour. But she ate a lot of fast food on the road and by the end of the tour she was known as 'Anne Frank the Tank.'
Creepy Creeper:A random creepy man calls on a daily basis and is in love with Ally. Specifically, he loves her sexy blue jeans and her laugh. We’ve never met him, and we’re pretty sure he harvests bodily organs in his basement.
Sex With Simone:Simone Bienne is a sex therapist often heard on Dr. Drew's Loveline. She knows everything there is to know about genitals and love-making. We chat with Simone weekly about all that goes on in the world of sex, and we're pretty sure she has a crush on Kevin.
Iron Lung Lady:Another regular caller on the show. She sounds like she smokes 450290 packs of cigarettes a day, and she regularly tells us her body parts don’t work. We believe she’s calling from inside an iron lung.
Jessie:Jessie is a man with a burning passion for Useless Weirdo. He wants to dominate him. We could not be more supportive of their relationship. Everyone but Useless Weirdo is excited for their future together.
Dead Eyes' Cousin:Producer Dead Eyes has a cousin in Australia with HUGE, HUGE breasts. She doesn't know, but since he shared her picture with us she has become an overnight celebrity on our show. We have her breasts to thank for most of our Twitter followers.
Robert from Santa Rosa:Robert is a loyal listener. He’s from Santa Rosa. He is in charge of our $0 marketing campaign to promote the show. He calls into other radio stations and mentions our show, holds signs behind news reporters, and makes T-Shirts to sell at our concerts.
Sandy Randy:Guy who likes our show for "helping him get out from under a rock" and shows his love by promoting us on a sandwich board.
Coachella Eric:He doesn't know how to spell or say "Coachella," but he really wants tickets. Calls obsessively and talks about going to the liquor store for "Cokes & Smokes."
Dario:Dario is a simple man. He calls a lot. Sits on hold for days on end. Why don't know why either.
Fat Cats:The bosses at CBS RADIO who hate us and ask us to stop doing things. When we don't, they send us to sensitivity training.
Scrumpscalishdelicious:One word given to us by a homeless lady who tried red velvet oreos in eating with the hungry.
Pork Fees:Ally & Kevin got a junk call from a cruise line once, with a nice Jamaican woman trying to sell them a cruise to the Bahamas. She then told us there would be a $50 port fee, but we misunderstood her and had many questions about which types of pork we could bring on-board the ship. She then had to explain multiple times that it was P-O-R-T. We never caught on.
The Shame Bell:Every Thursday we whip out the shame bell from Game of Thrones and talk about the Week in Shame. Everywhere these days people are publicly shaming each other of over-watering, bad parenting, being over/underweight, and everything in-between.
“You Got Cho'd”:We often have tickets to give away for Margaret Cho’s standup shows. When people call in to win better things, we “CHO” them by giving them Margaret Cho tickets instead. Many people do not like getting Cho’d.